Welcome to this qualification meeting. I am a food addict from Northern California.I love being reminded in every meeting of what it was like, what happened, and what it is like today, because when I came to this program, the first meeting I went to gave me hope. I went home and told my wife that I thought this program was going to work, because the people up front were talking about food the way I had acted around food my entire life. Everyone was speaking my language.I came into this program almost six years ago. On my first day of abstinence, I weighed 314 pounds. The highest number I saw on the scale was 341 pounds, though I know it was likely higher. Yesterday I weighed 161 pounds, which is a loss of about 180 pounds from my top weight. By the grace of God, this happened, and by the grace of God I have been abstinent since I came into the program. It is not because I am smart or figured anything out. I was afraid and did not understand what people were talking about. I had hope, but I did not understand the language or the process.When I came in, I had a host of physical, mental, and what I later learned were spiritual ailments. Physically, I had plantar fasciitis in both feet, constant pain in my right knee and lower back, heart palpitations, undiagnosed sleep apnea, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and deep depression. I had borderline high cholesterol and borderline high blood pressure. I was seeing a therapist twice a week for long sessions at great expense. Therapy helped me at the time, and I respect it, but looking back, when I was eating on the way there and eating again on the way home, nothing was really changing. I was constantly consuming my drug of choice.When I came to this program, the God talk scared me. I did not like it, but I had enough hope to keep coming back. People kept saying, “Just keep coming back,” and I took that literally. I did not get a sponsor right away because I thought I was supposed to attend several meetings first. I did not know what I did not know.My weight came off in about ten months, and I did not have to exercise to do it. I had always seen stories of people exercising for hours every day, and I thought I did not have the time, energy, or will for that. It turned out my issue was food—specifically sugar, flour, and quantities.At first, when I started sharing, everything was about my upbringing and other people. I pointed fingers everywhere and never looked at my own part. This program taught me to do that by working the steps, showing up one day at a time, and keeping my drug of choice out of my body. Sugar and flour were my drugs. Beneath my anger was fear. Everything had progressed to fear for me.Looking back at pictures of my life, I was a thin, happy kid for years. Then around seventh grade, the weight started coming on, year after year. I became bigger and less happy, until I was completely checked out. In my last pictures, it looked like nobody was home.I grew up in a military family. Some of my earliest memories are tied to food. Even as a very young child, I remembered specific foods, packaging, and tastes. When my parents divorced and I later lived in a crowded household, there was never enough food, especially the kind I liked. I remember standing in the driveway one day, eight or nine years old, and making a promise to myself that when I was old enough, I would eat whatever I wanted, however much I wanted, and never go to bed hungry. I honored that promise for decades.Food was never enough for me. I always wanted more, or something better. Any money I earned or borrowed went straight to candy. My friends saved money for comics or cars. I could not do that. Food always came first.Seventh grade was when the weight really started coming on, because I was given lunch money and could choose my own food. I bought sugar and flour items and drinks, and I even resold candy to make more money so I could have food all the time. After school, I spent time eating junk food and then came home to full dinners, followed by more eating afterward. This pattern continued through high school and into my twenties.In my twenties, I was active and functioning. I worked, played sports, went to the gym, and stayed busy. That activity probably kept me from reaching even higher weights, but my weight continued to rise steadily. It never went down.In my early thirties, I started to realize something was wrong. I tried eating “healthy” foods I hated and exercising, and I would feel great for a few weeks. Then I would stop, and everything would fall apart. I had no willpower. People would later tell me how much willpower I had, and I would laugh, because I had none. What I have today is a program, support, and a God in my life.I tried therapy, diets, pills, books I never read, and even considered television programs for accountability. Nothing worked. I went to an intensive hospital program and lost weight temporarily, but the obsession never left. Even while entering treatment, I was planning what I would eat afterward. That is how my mind worked.Eventually, food stopped working for me entirely. I was anxious, terrified, and convinced I was dying. I was in the doctor’s office constantly, and no one could find anything wrong. Caffeine began affecting me severely. I was beaten down, desperate, and scared.When I came into this program, I was finally willing to take suggestions and just do them. I did not understand everything, but I followed directions. I wrote my food down, made phone calls, went to meetings, and got on my knees even when I did not want to. I did not question much. I just did it.For the first time, I experienced freedom. I remember driving with my meals packed in the car and realizing there was no mental chatter about food. I knew I was okay because my food was with me. That silence was incredible.Before this program, food dominated my thoughts. Once I started eating, I could not stop. Eventually, even eating brought no relief, only tears. That is when I knew I was done.Today, my life is unbelievable. I have the same wife, children who only know me in recovery, and relationships deeper than anything I had before. When I look at my life now, I see blessings everywhere. The weight loss is incredible, but it is not the point. Abstinence is the greatest gift I have ever received.I continue to learn about myself. I want recovery more than anything. Life still happens, but my life does not get worse. I show up with intention, reach out for help, and work this program every day.If you are new, keep coming back. Reach out. Ask for help. And no matter what, do not eat. Thank you.
Welcome to this qualification meeting. I am a food addict from Northern California.I love being reminded in every meeting of what it was like, what happened, and what it is like today, because when I came to this program, the first meeting I went to gave me hope. I went home and told my wife that I thought this program was going to work, because the people up front were talking about food the way I had acted around food my entire life. Everyone was speaking my language.I came into this program almost six years ago. On my first day of abstinence, I weighed 314 pounds. The highest number I saw on the scale was 341 pounds, though I know it was likely higher. Yesterday I weighed 161 pounds, which is a loss of about 180 pounds from my top weight. By the grace of God, this happened, and by the grace of God I have been abstinent since I came into the program. It is not because I am smart or figured anything out. I was afraid and did not understand what people were talking about. I had hope, but I did not understand the language or the process.When I came in, I had a host of physical, mental, and what I later learned were spiritual ailments. Physically, I had plantar fasciitis in both feet, constant pain in my right knee and lower back, heart palpitations, undiagnosed sleep apnea, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and deep depression. I had borderline high cholesterol and borderline high blood pressure. I was seeing a therapist twice a week for long sessions at great expense. Therapy helped me at the time, and I respect it, but looking back, when I was eating on the way there and eating again on the way home, nothing was really changing. I was constantly consuming my drug of choice.When I came to this program, the God talk scared me. I did not like it, but I had enough hope to keep coming back. People kept saying, “Just keep coming back,” and I took that literally. I did not get a sponsor right away because I thought I was supposed to attend several meetings first. I did not know what I did not know.My weight came off in about ten months, and I did not have to exercise to do it. I had always seen stories of people exercising for hours every day, and I thought I did not have the time, energy, or will for that. It turned out my issue was food—specifically sugar, flour, and quantities.At first, when I started sharing, everything was about my upbringing and other people. I pointed fingers everywhere and never looked at my own part. This program taught me to do that by working the steps, showing up one day at a time, and keeping my drug of choice out of my body. Sugar and flour were my drugs. Beneath my anger was fear. Everything had progressed to fear for me.Looking back at pictures of my life, I was a thin, happy kid for years. Then around seventh grade, the weight started coming on, year after year. I became bigger and less happy, until I was completely checked out. In my last pictures, it looked like nobody was home.I grew up in a military family. Some of my earliest memories are tied to food. Even as a very young child, I remembered specific foods, packaging, and tastes. When my parents divorced and I later lived in a crowded household, there was never enough food, especially the kind I liked. I remember standing in the driveway one day, eight or nine years old, and making a promise to myself that when I was old enough, I would eat whatever I wanted, however much I wanted, and never go to bed hungry. I honored that promise for decades.Food was never enough for me. I always wanted more, or something better. Any money I earned or borrowed went straight to candy. My friends saved money for comics or cars. I could not do that. Food always came first.Seventh grade was when the weight really started coming on, because I was given lunch money and could choose my own food. I bought sugar and flour items and drinks, and I even resold candy to make more money so I could have food all the time. After school, I spent time eating junk food and then came home to full dinners, followed by more eating afterward. This pattern continued through high school and into my twenties.In my twenties, I was active and functioning. I worked, played sports, went to the gym, and stayed busy. That activity probably kept me from reaching even higher weights, but my weight continued to rise steadily. It never went down.In my early thirties, I started to realize something was wrong. I tried eating “healthy” foods I hated and exercising, and I would feel great for a few weeks. Then I would stop, and everything would fall apart. I had no willpower. People would later tell me how much willpower I had, and I would laugh, because I had none. What I have today is a program, support, and a God in my life.I tried therapy, diets, pills, books I never read, and even considered television programs for accountability. Nothing worked. I went to an intensive hospital program and lost weight temporarily, but the obsession never left. Even while entering treatment, I was planning what I would eat afterward. That is how my mind worked.Eventually, food stopped working for me entirely. I was anxious, terrified, and convinced I was dying. I was in the doctor’s office constantly, and no one could find anything wrong. Caffeine began affecting me severely. I was beaten down, desperate, and scared.When I came into this program, I was finally willing to take suggestions and just do them. I did not understand everything, but I followed directions. I wrote my food down, made phone calls, went to meetings, and got on my knees even when I did not want to. I did not question much. I just did it.For the first time, I experienced freedom. I remember driving with my meals packed in the car and realizing there was no mental chatter about food. I knew I was okay because my food was with me. That silence was incredible.Before this program, food dominated my thoughts. Once I started eating, I could not stop. Eventually, even eating brought no relief, only tears. That is when I knew I was done.Today, my life is unbelievable. I have the same wife, children who only know me in recovery, and relationships deeper than anything I had before. When I look at my life now, I see blessings everywhere. The weight loss is incredible, but it is not the point. Abstinence is the greatest gift I have ever received.I continue to learn about myself. I want recovery more than anything. Life still happens, but my life does not get worse. I show up with intention, reach out for help, and work this program every day.If you are new, keep coming back. Reach out. Ask for help. And no matter what, do not eat. Thank you.
Welcome to this qualification meeting. I am a food addict from Northern California.
I love being reminded in every meeting of what it was like, what happened, and what it is like today, because when I came to this program, the first meeting I went to gave me hope. I went home and told my wife that I thought this program was going to work, because the people up front were talking about food the way I had acted around food my entire life. Everyone was speaking my language.
I came into this program almost six years ago. On my first day of abstinence, I weighed 314 pounds. The highest number I saw on the scale was 341 pounds, though I know it was likely higher. Yesterday I weighed 161 pounds, which is a loss of about 180 pounds from my top weight. By the grace of God, this happened, and by the grace of God I have been abstinent since I came into the program. It is not because I am smart or figured anything out. I was afraid and did not understand what people were talking about. I had hope, but I did not understand the language or the process.
When I came in, I had a host of physical, mental, and what I later learned were spiritual ailments. Physically, I had plantar fasciitis in both feet, constant pain in my right knee and lower back, heart palpitations, undiagnosed sleep apnea, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and deep depression. I had borderline high cholesterol and borderline high blood pressure. I was seeing a therapist twice a week for long sessions at great expense. Therapy helped me at the time, and I respect it, but looking back, when I was eating on the way there and eating again on the way home, nothing was really changing. I was constantly consuming my drug of choice.
When I came to this program, the God talk scared me. I did not like it, but I had enough hope to keep coming back. People kept saying, “Just keep coming back,” and I took that literally. I did not get a sponsor right away because I thought I was supposed to attend several meetings first. I did not know what I did not know.
My weight came off in about ten months, and I did not have to exercise to do it. I had always seen stories of people exercising for hours every day, and I thought I did not have the time, energy, or will for that. It turned out my issue was food—specifically sugar, flour, and quantities.
At first, when I started sharing, everything was about my upbringing and other people. I pointed fingers everywhere and never looked at my own part. This program taught me to do that by working the steps, showing up one day at a time, and keeping my drug of choice out of my body. Sugar and flour were my drugs. Beneath my anger was fear. Everything had progressed to fear for me.
Looking back at pictures of my life, I was a thin, happy kid for years. Then around seventh grade, the weight started coming on, year after year. I became bigger and less happy, until I was completely checked out. In my last pictures, it looked like nobody was home.
I grew up in a military family. Some of my earliest memories are tied to food. Even as a very young child, I remembered specific foods, packaging, and tastes. When my parents divorced and I later lived in a crowded household, there was never enough food, especially the kind I liked. I remember standing in the driveway one day, eight or nine years old, and making a promise to myself that when I was old enough, I would eat whatever I wanted, however much I wanted, and never go to bed hungry. I honored that promise for decades.
Food was never enough for me. I always wanted more, or something better. Any money I earned or borrowed went straight to candy. My friends saved money for comics or cars. I could not do that. Food always came first.
Seventh grade was when the weight really started coming on, because I was given lunch money and could choose my own food. I bought sugar and flour items and drinks, and I even resold candy to make more money so I could have food all the time. After school, I spent time eating junk food and then came home to full dinners, followed by more eating afterward. This pattern continued through high school and into my twenties.
In my twenties, I was active and functioning. I worked, played sports, went to the gym, and stayed busy. That activity probably kept me from reaching even higher weights, but my weight continued to rise steadily. It never went down.
In my early thirties, I started to realize something was wrong. I tried eating “healthy” foods I hated and exercising, and I would feel great for a few weeks. Then I would stop, and everything would fall apart. I had no willpower. People would later tell me how much willpower I had, and I would laugh, because I had none. What I have today is a program, support, and a God in my life.
I tried therapy, diets, pills, books I never read, and even considered television programs for accountability. Nothing worked. I went to an intensive hospital program and lost weight temporarily, but the obsession never left. Even while entering treatment, I was planning what I would eat afterward. That is how my mind worked.
Eventually, food stopped working for me entirely. I was anxious, terrified, and convinced I was dying. I was in the doctor’s office constantly, and no one could find anything wrong. Caffeine began affecting me severely. I was beaten down, desperate, and scared.
When I came into this program, I was finally willing to take suggestions and just do them. I did not understand everything, but I followed directions. I wrote my food down, made phone calls, went to meetings, and got on my knees even when I did not want to. I did not question much. I just did it.
For the first time, I experienced freedom. I remember driving with my meals packed in the car and realizing there was no mental chatter about food. I knew I was okay because my food was with me. That silence was incredible.
Before this program, food dominated my thoughts. Once I started eating, I could not stop. Eventually, even eating brought no relief, only tears. That is when I knew I was done.
Today, my life is unbelievable. I have the same wife, children who only know me in recovery, and relationships deeper than anything I had before. When I look at my life now, I see blessings everywhere. The weight loss is incredible, but it is not the point. Abstinence is the greatest gift I have ever received.
I continue to learn about myself. I want recovery more than anything. Life still happens, but my life does not get worse. I show up with intention, reach out for help, and work this program every day.
If you are new, keep coming back. Reach out. Ask for help. And no matter what, do not eat. Thank you.