Why do I come all this way to these conventions? I find it hard to even find the words to describe it. It’s about seeing that long-term recovery is possible for any food addict, including someone like me who was genuinely suicidal and had no way out. Seeing so many people put this program into action was incredibly powerful. I may have had a sense of what to do, but I didn’t know how to do it—how to have three meals a day, one day at a time, or how to use the tools of this program. Learning to keep my program simple, to weigh and measure my food no matter what, and to follow the guidance from the beginning has been transformative. For example, counting my abstinent days has been life-changing—I wasn’t able to stay abstinent for even one day before.
Traveling to these conventions is miraculous in itself. I came alone, and there were many delays along the way, including a half-hour delay for bad weather. In that moment, all I could do was repeat the serenity prayer, trusting a power greater than myself to carry me through. Beyond that, without this program, I wouldn’t have had the money to travel—the disease had consumed it all. This program has taught me both small and big lessons, like how to save and appreciate the miracles in my life.
Before FA, my life was filled with drama, but now it’s peaceful. I live in the same home, with the same family, yet everything inside me has changed. I now love my husband. I no longer want to escape life or have someone rescue me. The miracles are in the everyday, the little things, and this program offers me peace and the ability to make peace with myself. I feel part of a fellowship that supports growth, serenity, and the assurance that I don’t need to fall back into addiction.
I feel very humbled to be leading this meeting. These MP3 recordings have been a big part of my recovery, and I encourage others to listen to them—they are filled with experience, strength, and hope. I am in awe of being surrounded by fellow food addicts in recovery, demonstrating what life can be like without this addiction.
To share a bit about my background, I am five foot one and a half, weighing about 105–106 pounds now. When I came into FA, I weighed about 175 pounds, though my highest weight was 185. My story is one of extreme dieting cycles—under-eating, binging, over-eating, starving—year after year. From a young age, I engaged in secretive behaviors around food, sneaking sugar-filled medicines and other hidden treats, fully aware that what I was doing wasn’t right, but unable to stop.
Food was a constant focus in my family and culture, and my memories with family are intertwined with it. A turning point came at age seven with a serious operation. I left the hospital aware that I was overweight and needed help, which led to my first weight-loss program. But I also felt like an outsider, and I tied my self-worth to being thin, believing that only by being thin could I fit in. By age 10 or 11, I was trapped in a cycle of dieting and binging. Each new diet brought hope, but I could never sustain it, and my disease progressed.
In school, my disease affected my attendance and studies. Fasting or binging left me disconnected from others. I eventually discovered 12-step programs in my early 20s, which was a relief. For the first time, I could openly discuss my behaviors around food and the feelings I carried. I pursued therapy, meditation, naturopathy, exercise, and organic food, but my disease still worsened. I didn’t have the tools to stop it. I remember leaving therapy sessions only to go straight into a store to eat, or using sugar-free sodas excessively to manage my addiction. There was constant denial—I thought I could escape the consequences, but I couldn’t.
I eventually encountered someone who had transitioned from another fellowship into FA and saw remarkable changes in her. That inspired me to try FA again, and I knew I would need a sponsor. My first 90 days were extremely challenging, a true detox, but it taught me that this is a bona fide addiction. Following the food plan with guidance from my sponsor showed me that I could start putting knowledge into practice. I realized my life had been consumed by food—every fear, social interaction, or break was centered around it.
FA has been transformative, and I am grateful for the way the program and fellowship have been structured. The experience has shown me that real change comes from something greater than myself.